"Okay, really, stop being so over dramatic. Having a period can't be that bad."
You’re sleeping peacefully in your warm bed, snuggled up nice and tight in the covers and in the midst of a wonderful dream. Something not right, though, and you can feel it. A warm… wetness in between your legs, and not the good kind, either. This pulls you out of your sleep, and you pull the covers back to reveal a rather large stain of red on your bed, and it takes you only a second to realize it’s blood, and that the blood is yours. Now, most people would be frightened to wake up and find themselves bleeding, they would probably start screaming and try to stop the flow of blood, and rush themselves to a hospital. But this has become a matter of course for you. The sight of blood barely makes you bat an eyelash; all you can think is “man, I wasn’t supposed to get this for another 2 days!” With that thought, you stumbled out of bed and waddle to the bathroom. (Why are you waddling, you ask? Well, you see, liquid travels in the direction of gravity, and having slept on your back last night, the blood saw fit to slither its way down to a certain crack on your backside and make quite a sticky mess all over your skin. It also bled through your underwear and to the pajama pants you had on, which are sticking to your skin and are uncomfortably wet.)
Seeing no recourse for this mess, you strip and hop in the shower. As you watch the water stream down red, you like to pretend that you just won a battle and you’re washing the blood of your enemies from your body. That is not the case however, and all to soon it’s time to exit the shower. Now, the race begins. You have to get out and get dressed before blood can start streaming down your legs and make a mess again. You’ve had years of experience though, and manage to get the feat done.
Clean and with a fresh pad on (it’s much too early to shove a tampon up there, you decided), you head to your room to clean your bed. However, that’s when you start to feel it.
That little pain in your lower abdomen that can only mean one thing.
In only moments, your lower belly is full of the excruciating pain. You’re certain that someone must be stabbing you with a dull knife, but no, it’s just your uterus literally shredding itself apart and getting rid of the dead tissue. (Now, reader, you may be wondering, do cramps really happen that fast? It varies from woman to woman, but in many cases, the cramps happen immediately.)
The pain is so debilitating that you rush back to the bathroom and vomit. Clinging to the toilet bowl as you spew out last night’s chicken, you realize that your stomach is protesting in other ways, and then you rip off your pants as your body’s waste makes its exit through your backside. (The polite way of saying that you get extreme diarrhea.)
These cramps last for a few hours, still, in which you lay in a fetal position on the bathroom floor. All the while, blood is pouring out of a hole in your body, and actions like coughing and sneezing only send a flood of blood pouring out. There is no position that you can stand, sit, or lay in that will alleviate the pain, and while painkillers help, the pain simply has to run its course.
Suddenly, that large butchers knife in the kitchen seems tempting. You wonder what the survival rate would be if you decided to carve out your uterus—surely it wouldn’t hurt as much as this. But you’re in too much pain to even get up… perhaps another day.
Eventually, you overcome the cramps, and you’re somewhat back to normal. But the effects of your period aren’t over yet. Now you’re starving, and for the most ridiculous food. You want a Big Mac with extra mayonnaise, large fries, and a large chocolate milkshake with extra whipped cream. Oh, and a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Your father looks at you like you have a third eye when you ask him to purchase your meal, but your mother knowingly nods in understanding and goes to get it for you.
This is just the first day, however. This torture last on for about 5 days on average, and society expects you to just go about your life as if everything were normal. Never mind that wearing pads is just about the most stressful thing you could do, because if it even so much as moves an inch to the left or right, you’ll have the Niagara Bloody Falls leaking out and staining your pants. Not to mention that wearing a pad is like wearing a diaper, and when you sit down, you’re sitting on a soggy piece of material soaked in your own blood and there’s really no way of sitting that isn’t uncomfortable. Your other option is a tampon, which is even more uncomfortable. You find the feeling of a huge piece of cotton shoved up your vagina to be weird, but sometimes it can’t be avoided. However, the health implications of tampons are always on your mind, because if you leave it in for too long, you can go into Toxic Shock Syndrome with can induce seizures and leave you with brain damage.
As if that weren’t enough, you think to yourself, it’s not even really blood that’s coming out of you! It is, but it’s also gooey pieces and chunks of your uterus. As you change your pad, you stare down at the dirty one in disgust.
Sleeping is mission critical during this time. There’s no position to sleep in that doesn’t have it’s problems. Sleep on your side? You wake up with blood leaking down your thigh and on days when flow is particularly heavy, out the side of your underwear. And you already know what sleeping on your back gets you, as you found out earlier this morning when you had to spend time in the shower cleaning out your glutenous maximous.
The worst part is that all of this is completely unavoidable, and for the most part, it’ll happen every month for anywhere between 20-40 years of your life. Your nose wrinkles at the mere thought of doing this once, you can barely imagine this for nearly half your life!
You’re getting dressed for another day. You stare at your white pants longingly, and pull at the huge granny panties that you have to wear because there’s way too much of a chance the you’ll leak if you wear your nice panties. In the end, you opt for sweat pants. These are the trials and tribulations you must endure.
And it never gets better.
-an unknown tumblr user
Please keep in mind that it is not always this bad. This is just a fun little story i decided to share with you.